Howdy!
So much has happend in the past months. I moved out of CRCU and into a flat in Leongatha. I got back with Glen and then he dumped me last Saturday. Now I have a mega crush on a guy called Kyle, i met him last year in CRCU. He is lovely. He has aspergers, so he's a bit out there. But gorgeous, funny and sexy! Hopefully ill see him soon. We have been emailing each other since ive been out of CRCU, And I think theres somethhing there, so fingers crossed! I can't stop thinking about him, it's driving me crazy. Even when I was with Glen, I still had strong feelings for Kyle.

I'm heading to Queensland tomorrow, first time on a plane, woohoo! I'll be gone for a week, so it's all very exciting. Some more exciting news is that I passed the computer test for my P's, now all I have to do is do the actual driving test it's self. Then I'll get my P's then be able to drive to Taralgon to visit Kyle :) (I think someones in love!!)

What else?. Last time Im was in Flynn (the start of the year I think) I had ECT- electro convulsive therapy. I think I had around six treatments. It worked well.

And here is the sad news.. My darling little dog died, my baby girl. Passed away about two months ago. She died of old age, She was 18 so she had a great life, but i miss her so much. I got a tattoo in memory of her, Its a paw print with "Prue" written under it.

<3
xxx

HEY-HO!
sup dudes? Well, where do I start...
For the past, say 3 months ive been in a psych ward, joy!
I was in flynn(main ward) for a month and have been in SECU(extended care/long term) for two months. It has been a interesting experince. Ive met some diffrent people. But for the most part it has been an adventure, so many ups and downs, highs and lows. I'm on weekend leave at the moment, and am either going back tomorrow or tuesday. I'll be leaving the hospital in a few weeks and moving to a place of my own. It is in traralgon and its an assisted living unit, meaning there are a group of flats for people with mental illnesses and they have nurses arond 24/7. The nurses check on your reguraly(3 times a day i think) and you can go to them if you need help, cooking, cleaning and if your feelings unwell. So i think it will be a great learning experince. Ive never lived on my own so im alittle nervous, but this is a once in a life time opportunity. The Flats are beautiful!

What else??
Mark dumped me about a month ago, because he couldnt handle me being in hospital. He'd crack the shits if I didnt do what he wanted. He wanted me to lie to the doctors, telling them that I was fine and not hearing voices, having suicidal and paranoid thoughts.

Nicole came over last night and stayed the night. We went to the RSL for tea and played the pokies and then went to the pub had a few drinks and played the pokies some more, came home. Played cards and just talked. It was great seeing her, since ive been in hospital I feel as if everyone at clubhouse has forgotten about me, woe is me.

Kate

Yesterday I had such a busy day.
9;30- Michelle came over and we went for coffee. Talked and cought up, Gosh I miss her!.

11;30- Went to gym with Gayle, did an hour and a half exercise. Worked my ass off!. On the way home we stopped behind a car as it was turning and this car came flying around the corner and waved to one of his friend and crashed into the back of our car and totally fucked up the boot. Lucky it was only a work car.

1;30-Steve dropped Nicole of at my house. I had a shower. Then we listened to music for a couple of hours.

3;45 Kathleen picked up Nicole and myself and we went to luna park.

7- We arrived at luna park. Bummed around and went on some rides.

10- we walked to acklin(sp?) street. Nicole, Dee Dee and myself went to a sex shop. It was a crap one though they didn't have alot of stuff, rather disapointing.

11-we headed home. Nicole was starting to get unwell she was getting rather paranoid, I wont go into detail. Nicole was ment to stay at my house but i got Steve to pick her up from Burra.

12;35- Got home and went to bed.

So that was my day!

Mum an dad went to Melbourne today, they are coming home tomorrow.

<3

Woohoo!
New pic(s) in my profile.
mm yes.

Today wasnt the best day ive had.

I had a bit of a fight with Kathleen, only it wasnt a fight i was just pissed of at her.

Ill copy and paste what i wrote to Amy..

I Hate YOU says:
Gorgie(another member) Kathleen and i were walking back from swimming, and she goes Kate you can go ahead, im like uh.. okay i can take the hint. and it really pissed me off
I Hate YOU says:
i dunno if she said it because she wanted to get rid of me or just didnt want me to have to wait for Gorgie because she walks slow. i dunno it just pissed me off maybe im just being paranoid again.

I know its a stupid thing for me to get upset over. I just couldnt help but get upset. Prehaps if she had said "Kate i want to talk to Gorgie alone can you walk ahead?" I wouldnt have gotten upset, or AS upset. Or if she did want to talk to Gorgie alone she could have waited till we got back to clubhouse. Bah.. I feel like cutting/burning, more so cutting.

Help me im drowning.

Tomorrow the Wonthaggi year eleven students are coming to clubhouse. I have to do a speech about me and my illness &ect. COMMENTS APPERCIATED


Kate Wilson
Age Seventeen.
Schizophrenia start of this year.

At the age of Eleven, I started hearing voices, in particular two male voices. Their voices were deep and demanding. They yelled and demanded I hurt myself and my friends and family. I thought it was normal, just a put of going through puberty. One day I confined in a friend and she told me this was not normal, but neither of us did anything. A few years roll by and I hit thirteen. One night my mum was in bed and my dad was at work; I grabbed a bottle of mentholated spirits and took a few mouthfuls. After the third mouthful I was gagging and choking so I ran to the bathroom and vomited. My dad came home to find me sitting by the toilet, He asked why I did it, and I told him “Because I don’t want to live anymore”. A few weeks passed and He called the school and they arranged for me to see the social worker. She referred me to Psyke services we’re I meet my case manager on a weekly basis. They diagnosed me with Depression. They knew nothing about the voices, “no way, I’m not crazy” I would tell myself over and over. But one day I caved and told my case manager, they started me on a low dose of anti-psychotic medication called Risperdal. They kept upping the medication but it did nothing. When I hit fifteen I started cutting not deep just sallow cuts. My grades started to drop, because I couldn’t concentrate with these two voices in my head yelling and abusing me. Around June 2003 I had my first of many admissions to a Psyke ward in Clayton.
I had approximately six stays in this Psyke ward over a course of a year.
I had attempted suicide more times then I can count on both hands, mainly overdosing on pills. So my parents locked all the pills and sharp objects up in a cupboard, So I started burning myself with cigarettes.


I started getting in trouble at school, One incident that involved the voices telling me to kill one off my old friends, and I repeated this to a friend and she told on me, this got me a week suspension. I also cut my thumb and got another weeks suspension. So I left school at the end of year nine because I was getting so paranoid that the government was after me. I spent about a year staying home all day, never going out because I was so paranoid. Things weren’t looking good. I was now sixteen and didn’t go to school so Psyke services transferred me over to the adult Psyke team where I meet my new case manager. We discussed a new medication called Clozaril also an antipsychotic, but id have to have a stay in hospital. They hadn’t decided on a date. One day I cut myself because the voices told me, My case manager and my mum went up the doctors, my case manager got the doctor to sign a recommendation form to send me to Flynn which is an adult Psyke ward in Tralagon. I stayed at Flynn for three weeks, during this time I meet some uh? Interesting people. They took me of the Risperdal and slowly started to increase the Clozaril.

Before I started coming to clubhouse, I’d spend half the day in bed, because I was up half the night worrying about the government coming to get me. I was low in confidence; even now I don’t have a great amount of confidence. But thanks to support and encouragement of clubhouse I can actually answer the phone without having a panic attack. Clubhouse has been great for me; I have met people who have been in similar situations, and I have met some life long friends.

directions:
(x) - you've done
( ) - you haven't done
(?) - maybe...

(x) been drunk
(x) been high
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped (I'm a bitch!)
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight (well, slapping, and play fist fights)
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back (who hasn't?)
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) stole something from my job
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) had sex
(x) given or recieved oral sex
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die
( ) been to Africa
( ) had a crush on one of my Live Journal friends
( ) Slapped someone I loved
( ) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been on a plane
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
(x) Been moshing at a concert
(x) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(x) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself
( ) been in an abusive relationship
( ) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
(x) tried killing yourself
( ) taken painkillers
(x) love someone right now
(x) miss someone right now


Quick catch up.
I went to Laurence's on Sunday(I think?) or maybe it was saturday. Fucked if i know.
anywho,
He's like can i kiss you? im like yesss!. so we kissed for about 5 seconds because i couldnt breathe through my nose. so we did this twice and then he asked if he could touch my tits i said yes, And then asked if he could see them. I'm all, ahh no... I think i really embarassed him. Its not because i don't want him to, its just that whenever i rush into relastionships, Im the one getting hurt. Next time i see him though, he can see everything and anything, because I'm such a horny bitch!

Went to clubhouse today, Gym was on but because I apparently have a chest infection that i didnt end up going. Then Gayle(sp?) came and picked me up because i had an appiontment with my psychiatrist. He gave me some antibiotics. Fun fun fun.

ITS MY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! w00t.
I'm getting
Cher tickets
&
Mansons best of CD.
<3
i wish this fucking cough would go away.
<33333333

I'm going on a diet
I need to lose some (alot of) weight.
I should give up smoking also, but one thing at a time.

I love this song.
I'm writing to Alan Rickman, but what to say, "Oh Alan you are so gorgeous, i know you have a wife but would you please kiss me?"

Only three hours and fortyfour minutes till I go.
<3

Hi.